Christmas Shopping
So it's Christmas. The shopping orgy is over - at least until tomorrow's discounts. But today the world of retail is still. Yesterday I sat down nearby the huge Macy's on 34th Street and watched the people go by, carrying bags and bags of stuff. This morning, I woke up super early and couldn't go back to sleep (and no, this has nothing to do with Christmas morning, because we don't even put up a tree, so my waking up early was purely coincidental). Anyway, I sat in the living room and wrote down all the things I don't want to own. Ever. This is what I came up with.
1. A fur coat, or any other item of apparel made out of fur. Without getting into the moral issues of wearing fur, technology has rendered it obsolete because you don't need it to stay warm. To me fur is tacky, not to mention the fact that it doesn't do much for your figure, unless you're a size zero. And let's fact it, most of the people who do wear fur are somewhat larger than that. Ladies, fur does make you look fat.
2. A fanny pack. Need I say more?
3. A melon baller. Now why can't the melon just be cut up like all the other fruit?
4. A fuzzy toilet seat cover. What purpose does it serve, anyway?
5. Kitten-heel shoes. These are just wrong.
6. A Swiffer floor sweeper. Wait, I have one of those, but I don't use it. Can I interest you on it?
7. Acrylic nails - very few people can pull off the look. I'm not one of them.
8. A rice steamer. I prefer soggy rice.
9. Elvis on Velvet. So tacky it's almost cool.
10. Any Precious Moments figurines
11. Anything Lord of the Rings, Star Wars or Sponge Bob
12. Inflatable holiday lawn ornaments
13. Holiday wear - any type of clothing or accessory decorated with elements of any given holiday. Again, this is wrong, people.
14. Fake flowers
15. A smoky mirror
16. An Epilady. If you know what this is, you understand.
17. Stirrup pants. A throw back to the eighties I'm not willing to trough again. Leg warmer I can deal with. Stirrup pants I can't.
18. Anything with glitter on it.
19. A tube top - at least not anymore
20. Actual silver silverware. I can still taste my grandmother's silverware and the taste isn't good. However if you like your mashed potatoes with and aftertaste of metal, go for it.
21. An electric blanket. Somehow the thought of sleeping under something that has an electrical current running through it does not sound appealing.
22. A lava lamp
23. A reclining chair or worse, a reclining couch
24. A country club membership
25. A country music recording
26. A riding lawnmower
27. Anything bedazzled
28. A salad shooter - I'm not sure what this does, but it sounds dangerous
29. Collectible plates of any kind.
1. A fur coat, or any other item of apparel made out of fur. Without getting into the moral issues of wearing fur, technology has rendered it obsolete because you don't need it to stay warm. To me fur is tacky, not to mention the fact that it doesn't do much for your figure, unless you're a size zero. And let's fact it, most of the people who do wear fur are somewhat larger than that. Ladies, fur does make you look fat.
2. A fanny pack. Need I say more?
3. A melon baller. Now why can't the melon just be cut up like all the other fruit?
4. A fuzzy toilet seat cover. What purpose does it serve, anyway?
5. Kitten-heel shoes. These are just wrong.
6. A Swiffer floor sweeper. Wait, I have one of those, but I don't use it. Can I interest you on it?
7. Acrylic nails - very few people can pull off the look. I'm not one of them.
8. A rice steamer. I prefer soggy rice.
9. Elvis on Velvet. So tacky it's almost cool.
10. Any Precious Moments figurines
11. Anything Lord of the Rings, Star Wars or Sponge Bob
12. Inflatable holiday lawn ornaments
13. Holiday wear - any type of clothing or accessory decorated with elements of any given holiday. Again, this is wrong, people.
14. Fake flowers
15. A smoky mirror
16. An Epilady. If you know what this is, you understand.
17. Stirrup pants. A throw back to the eighties I'm not willing to trough again. Leg warmer I can deal with. Stirrup pants I can't.
18. Anything with glitter on it.
19. A tube top - at least not anymore
20. Actual silver silverware. I can still taste my grandmother's silverware and the taste isn't good. However if you like your mashed potatoes with and aftertaste of metal, go for it.
21. An electric blanket. Somehow the thought of sleeping under something that has an electrical current running through it does not sound appealing.
22. A lava lamp
23. A reclining chair or worse, a reclining couch
24. A country club membership
25. A country music recording
26. A riding lawnmower
27. Anything bedazzled
28. A salad shooter - I'm not sure what this does, but it sounds dangerous
29. Collectible plates of any kind.
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posted by Fe at 12:23 PM
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