I want.... a shoping cart

Scott says I'm ahead of my time by about 50 years. But I don't care. I want a shopping cart. The kind that city dwelling old ladies push down the street almost in slow motion, each tentative step taken with the utmost concentration.

Yes, maybe I'm ahead of my time: shopping carts are cool. Not only do they fold away when you don't need them, they have bit of a dorky appeal, I have to admit. I want a shopping cart.

I can picture myself shopping for produce at the Union Square farmer's market; darting to Chinatown for some fresh ripe papaya (which won't be all bruised by the time I get home from it hitting against my knee with every step I take). I imagine going wine shopping and buying more than one bottle without buyers remorse setting in a few blocks, when the bag handles begin to cut off circulation to your fingers.

Having a shopping cart doesn't make you old. Or low brow. My shopping cart wouldn't have bits of string and plastic tied to it. Nor would it be decorated with faded fake flowers and leftover gift ribbon. I would never push it in front of me, slowly, in that two-step shuffle of someone who is using it not just for its intended purpose, but also for balance. Me, I would grab the handle and tilt the cart, so that the front wheels are off the ground and off I would stroll, cart behind me like a nice piece of luggage. The gentle summer breeze fluttering the shopping bags. Bright colored produce carefully stowed within the cart's enameled mesh sides, safely nested until our final destination. Perhaps a bunch of sunflowers resting safely against the back. Yes, I want a shopping cart and I'm not afraid to admit it.

I want a shopping cart and I ill walk with it trailing shortly behind me. I will walk with pride and a gin on my face, because I will have a shopping cart.

Not all rudeness is created equal

People are become ruder by the minute. It's epidemic - or endemic - what's the difference, anyway? Not in the don't-give-me-shit-stay-out-of-my-business-are-you-talking-to-me kind of rude, which is actually charming in comparison to the narcissistic behaviors people are into these days. Folks seem to be increasingly embracing that self-centered kind of rude; people who act like they live in a bubble surrounded by nothing other than what they can see in their mind's eye - which is generally be remarkably different from what actually surrounds us.

For instance, we've become sort of regulars at a little diner down the street, and we've witnessed suburbanites being positively awful. A woman came in, ordered the special lunch sandwich and a diet soda. She got her beverage and the soup (which comes with the special), ate the soup, drank the soda and than threw a hissy fit saying that she couldn't wait that long for a lousy sandwich. She got up and left and didn't pay for the food she consumed. Apparently she is a regular, meaning she does that often. On the same visit, a rather large man sitting at the counter engaged in a rather heated one-sided argument with the waiter about his food order. Turns out that he expected a shrimp salad to contain only jumbo shrimp. To his outrage, that is not what he got: there was lettuce, tomatoes and other fish products involved. Long story sort, they brought him his jumbo shrimp, and than he left, leaving most of them behind on his plate. If that's not rude and wasteful, I'm not sure what is.

The following is a partial list of what I find to be examples of self-centered rudeness:

Carrying on loud cell phone conversations at inopportune times and or inappropriate places such as a quiet restaurant or during a movie at the theater. You're really not that interesting and your business is not that important that it can't wait. Hang up dammit! That goes for the commuters weaving in and out of traffic while talking on their mobile phones, too.

Walking with your gaggle of friends/relatives/coworkers, side by side, taking up the entire sidewalk, and than acting oblivious as people try to get around you and your entourage. If you really must walk in side by side formation, at least walk fast, so that we don't all get stuck behind you. It is just so incredibly tempting to try and trip you all or throw gum in your hair.

Drivers who refuse to yield to lane closure notices and insist in cutting to the front of the line because they are simply too good and in way more of a hurry than everyone else to wait to wait their turn. You can crash into my fender, but I will not let you in, you asshole!

Parents who impose their attention starved, sugar-jacked, self-diagnosed ADHD darlings on the rest of us. Maybe the reason your kid is such a pain in the ass is because you don't pay enough attention to the little angel. Instead of bringing princess to a nice restaurant, how about spending some quality time with the kids at home?

People who take up two parking spaces because they are too lazy/too good to back up and straighten out the wheels. There is a reason they paint lines. It's so that you can park between them, not on top of them.

People who block a lane of traffic in a city street because they are waiting for their companion to pick up lunch/do the banking/pick up the dry-cleaning/get a root canal.

People who do a month's worth of banking at the ATM right in front of you (that's what the branch is for. They even have lollypops on the counter, so you should really save your banking and do it there instead). Plus, it's climate controlled. Leave the ATM for those needing some quick cash. Thanks!