Tuesday, December 27, 2005

No Respect

The city is full of people. Lots of tourists and lots and lots of fantastic people watching. For some reason, this year I've developed a fascination with women wearing fur coats. The outfits they've assembled have kept me entertained while walking down crowded sidewalks and almost made the slow go bearable. Almost.

Three words: tacky, tacky, and tacky. While you can see some good fashion sense in the streets of New York City, there is also an over abundance of, well, lack of good taste. Wearing an expensive item of clothing or several, for that matter, does not guarantee the wearer of such items to look good. Quite of the contrary, if you consider the examples below.

I don't like fur and I think it's quite barbaric. But that aside, if you must wear it, please show the dead animal some respect and dress nicely, please. Most of the fur-wearing women I saw were middle aged, but some were younger, some were older. While I'm by no means a connoisseur of fur, seemed to me that the young crowd went for rabbit, and the older women for long, brown and gaudy.

I saw a woman wearing a full-length fur coat, black capris, black nylons and black elastic mules. Another had on a 3/4 length coat, flat patent leather shoes and black tights. Yet another did fur with black cowboy boots and, my personal favorite, a full-length fur coat with blue sweat pants and black slippers.

Sadly, I don't see an end to the fur faux pas, but with the warm weather, hopefully the furs will stay inside... or not.

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Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Shopping

So it's Christmas. The shopping orgy is over - at least until tomorrow's discounts. But today the world of retail is still. Yesterday I sat down nearby the huge Macy's on 34th Street and watched the people go by, carrying bags and bags of stuff. This morning, I woke up super early and couldn't go back to sleep (and no, this has nothing to do with Christmas morning, because we don't even put up a tree, so my waking up early was purely coincidental). Anyway, I sat in the living room and wrote down all the things I don't want to own. Ever. This is what I came up with.

1. A fur coat, or any other item of apparel made out of fur. Without getting into the moral issues of wearing fur, technology has rendered it obsolete because you don't need it to stay warm. To me fur is tacky, not to mention the fact that it doesn't do much for your figure, unless you're a size zero. And let's fact it, most of the people who do wear fur are somewhat larger than that. Ladies, fur does make you look fat.

2. A fanny pack. Need I say more?

3. A melon baller. Now why can't the melon just be cut up like all the other fruit?

4. A fuzzy toilet seat cover. What purpose does it serve, anyway?

5. Kitten-heel shoes. These are just wrong.

6. A Swiffer floor sweeper. Wait, I have one of those, but I don't use it. Can I interest you on it?

7. Acrylic nails - very few people can pull off the look. I'm not one of them.

8. A rice steamer. I prefer soggy rice.

9. Elvis on Velvet. So tacky it's almost cool.

10. Any Precious Moments figurines

11. Anything Lord of the Rings, Star Wars or Sponge Bob

12. Inflatable holiday lawn ornaments

13. Holiday wear - any type of clothing or accessory decorated with elements of any given holiday. Again, this is wrong, people.

14. Fake flowers

15. A smoky mirror

16. An Epilady. If you know what this is, you understand.

17. Stirrup pants. A throw back to the eighties I'm not willing to trough again. Leg warmer I can deal with. Stirrup pants I can't.

18. Anything with glitter on it.

19. A tube top - at least not anymore

20. Actual silver silverware. I can still taste my grandmother's silverware and the taste isn't good. However if you like your mashed potatoes with and aftertaste of metal, go for it.

21. An electric blanket. Somehow the thought of sleeping under something that has an electrical current running through it does not sound appealing.

22. A lava lamp

23. A reclining chair or worse, a reclining couch

24. A country club membership

25. A country music recording

26. A riding lawnmower

27. Anything bedazzled

28. A salad shooter - I'm not sure what this does, but it sounds dangerous

29. Collectible plates of any kind.

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